New AI-Enabled Garbage Bin Prevents Family from Trashing Perfectly Repairable Houshold Items
In what the nation's fathers are hailing as the greatest advancement in artificial intelligence to date, LG has released a new AI-enabled garbage bin that will scan every discarded item and determine its repairability.
The LG FixitAI trash bin uses patented DADScan technology to determine if a piece of trash is salvageable. When an item is detected that the AI deems repairable, an alarm sounds and an alert is sent to the owner. Additional options include the ability to link to your Amazon account to block any subsequent orders of a similar product by others in the household who think money grows on trees.
"This thing is incredible!" exclaimed Bob Kincaid, a father of two from Indiana. "Last week, my wife tried to throw away our can opener," said Kincaid, showing off the $12 unit with bent gears and rusted cutting wheels. "Does she think I own a full set of files and four different hammers for nothing?"
When it was pointed out that the handles were also visibly missing, leaving two sharp stubs of steel sticking off the end, Kincaid sighed.
"That's what's wrong with today's generation," he lamented, browsing Rockler.com for wood lathes. "We're willing to flood our landfills when a couple of chunks of hickory can make things as good as new."
Steve Smith of Little Splicket, Colorado agreed:
"I was in the garage hand carving a new rubber foot for my toothbrush holder, when my FixitAI app alerted me to a new violation. I ran into the house to discover the meat thermometer in the trash buried under some coffee grounds and a new one in the Amazon cart. I had already explained to the whole family how to hold it so the display doesn't flicker and how to press the button 3 to 11 times in the exact 2:00 position, but I can only assume one of them forgot. I would have been out $15 without my FixitAI trash can!"
Retailing for $1,599, the latest artificially intelligent device from LG has already seen record-breaking sales, but there are those who claim that the technology isn't quite ready for market.
Esther Pendergrast of Ferret Neck, Wyoming, whose husband Elmer purchased the FixitAI after seeing it advertised on a restoration video on YouTube, posted a review on Amazon.com describing how the algorithm may need a bit more fine-tuning.
In a request for comment, media relations manager Rick Obenchain replied, "We understand that some people may be new to this kind of technology and therefore a bit intimidated. Rest assured; we have done extensive testing with the leading dads of America and are confident in our products."
When asked to explain the results in this and other reviews describing seemingly erroneous AI results, Obenchain explained, "We see this confusion quite often. In this particular instance, we reviewed the logs of Ms. Pendergrast's bin and determined that not only was a full 82% of the bread still edible, but the remaining bits could easily be turned into valuable antibiotics with nothing more than a few deep-tank fermenters and a chemistry degree."
The LG FixitAI is not available at participating big box retailers and online stores. This is parody. For the love of Norm Abram, I can't believe we live in a world where that has to be spelled out.